How I Do Hard Things

25 January 2025
discipline,
reflection

I don't know why, but somehow I naturally appreciate doing hard things. As I read that back, it's not that I actually like the part that's hard. It's more that I derive a lot of satisfaction from overcoming challenges. "Do hard things" is just shorthand for challenge yourself and grow through the process. Regardless, it's kind of always been this way from the time I started as a gymnast at age 6 to the degree I chose to the old car in my garage that just keeps begging me to exorcise its demons. I didn't always understand it this way, but from the greatest struggles comes the greatest satisfaction and the greatest growth in understanding of oneself and the world around us. With that in mind, this is the formula I've used many times in my life to make sure I stick with hard things.

Go Big #

Before my first child was born I lived in Colorado Springs. My physical activity of choice in warmer months was mountain biking. In colder weather it was skiing. Three weeks after my first-born arrived, we moved to Arkansas. Between my new job working full-time at a summer camp, and my duties as an aspiring good father, I had zero time to mountain bike. (Skiing was clearly off the table just by geography.) I knew that I needed to be active for my physical and mental health. Looking at the options, distance running emerged as a logical choice simply because I could run right out the front door and the cost was just a pair of shoes. There was little excuse not to get in a run when 20 minutes was long enough for the health benefits to kick in, and I didn't have to drive to and from the activity. Decision: made. BUT...

Now I just need to stick with it - develop the habit. Easier said than done. Humans are great at finding the path of least resistance. It's served us well from an evolutionary standpoint in that we're good at taking it easy so we can be well rested the next time it's "go time". The problem is that works well when you have to kill what you eat, and you're naturally fit because of the necessity to be so. It really works against us when there are things like couches and Netflix and DoorDash.

To stick with running, I determined I needed a goal. So what does every newby runner pick as their goal? A 5k, right? Nope. Not me. I went with a marathon. Why? Because it seemed almost impossible. Because it was so big to me at the time that I knew it would required dedication to a long process that, should I stay engaged, would help me build the habit and fitness I sought.

Commit with Consequences #

So now that I've been running for about two weeks (maybe 5 total 25-minute jogs) I've decided to run a marathon. The very next thing I did was to do some quick research to know how long a marathon training program is, and then find a race that would coincide with that time frame. I found a race in Knoxville, TN, where an old roommate have moved, and I registered. Like immediately. I paid the money. I think it was something like $120. I was locked in. I couldn't forfeit now, or I'd lose all that money.

You may not think in 2024 with your middle-management job that $120 is that big of a commitment. But when it's 2005, you're 27, you work at a summer camp, and you just had your first kid, $120 might as well have been $1,000,000. If I gave up short of the finish line, I would never hear the end of it from my accountant wife. This was basically life or death.

Seek Accountability #

The next thing I did after plopping down that cold, hard cash was find a training plan. If I recall correctly I used Hal Higdon's novice marathon training plan. I printed it out and hung it on the wall of my office at the summer camp very publicly, so folks would ask about it. Every day that I ran I would come into the office and cross off the run in the printed plan. I figured out pretty quickly that the best way to make sure I stayed on track was to run first thing in the morning. As the runs got longer, my alarm got earlier. (For those that know me, you know that these early mornings formed a lifelong habit.) Sometimes I swear that I would basically wake up in the middle of a run in the darkness of our neighborhood on Beaver Lake. The point is that I made sure that people around me helped me stay accountable to the discipline required...even if it was just by virtue of the shame I felt if I didn't cross out the run on the piece of paper on the wall.

The Goal is not the Goal #

In this case, as is the case with most endurance events for me, the day of the marathon was really just a celebration of the end of training - a celebration of the discipline that it took to even think about starting the race. The goal was ultimately to see if I had what it takes to do what seemed impossible. In so doing, it a new high water mark and new-found curiosity. Achievement is fleeting. The minute you cross the finish line (or win the championship or get the big job) is the minute that it's not enough. Lasting gratification is found in growth, not achievement. The goals keep getting bigger just to see what's possible and what degree of growth comes through the process.

Application #

So the point is to go run a marathon, right? Not quite. The marathon is just a vehicle. Here are some other experiences I've had where this process came in handy:

On the Job #

I went to work for a startup where I was the first full-time software developer. They had outsourced all development up until then, and it showed. The product was garbage - both for customers and for me as a developer. We couldn't get anything done without stuff breaking. I put together a plan to rebuild the thing from scratch and made the case to the owner. This was really the only practical way forward. We committed to the plan and an ambitious launch date. Along the way, we created some of the cleanest code and fastest deployment cycles I've ever known. (Truth be told it kind of ruined me.) We went on to launch on time and had several pivots thereafter that were shockingly easy because of our investments. The startup eventually ran out of money. It was disappointing, but I learned so many things that I carry into every job since that have led to more and better opportunities.

In a Band #

I spent about 25 years straight playing guitar in, and sometimes fronting, rock bands - just for fun. There is nothing that will get a band to get their act together like booking a gig. If you've never stood on a stage in front of a crowd of 2,000 apathetic faces, you have no idea just how prepared you have to be not melt into a puddle of nerves, much less get them dancing. The investment is heavy. The commitment is high.

Not All Hard Things Are Created Equal #

All that said, it is worth noting that sometimes there are struggles with no satisfaction to be had. Those experiences are still worth having if only to learn how to cut one's losses and recognize the situation should it ever occur again. There's still growth in the experience. Most times it's just really hard to discern that the goal is unachievable at the outset. It's also the case that in those rare occasions that seem impossible and we do end up reaching the objective, the victory is so, so sweet. There's a small version of this in software development where you're working on code for an eternity, debugging and trying six ways to Sunday to figure out a solution. Then you try "one last thing" and BOOM, it works! I call these "nerd victories". They really are so, so sweet.